This isn’t something I’m necessarily proud of, and those who have read my posts, especially my poetry and rants from about a year ago now, know that I have a terrible problem that occurs in my relationships recently. It drives me crazy and I have no idea how to properly deal with it.

This isn’t exactly a cry for help, but more a way for me to cope and sometimes this is the only way I know how when my in-person words continue to fail me. Maybe the person I want to read this I will let someday, but that all depends on where things go.

Thank all of you for the support this far everyone. I mean that more than I can explain even though there aren’t that many that read these regularly.

Some Backstory….

I didn’t have a terrible childhood by any means, but no one is perfect in every sense. In my case, my parents divorced when I was barely 3 years old. I have one memory, and that one isn’t fully there, from when they were together.

I was an independent child in terms of not needing a parent around me all the time and was more than happy to keep myself entertained for a long time. Even so, after the divorce, when I was upset especially, I wanted to see my father more than anything. This was just the relationship we had because he was around more than my mother for the first few years after that, I won’t get into why in this post as it has been mentioned before.

When I got older, my dad moved about 3 hours away. For awhile he was able to see me every weekend and I was doing alright with that even though the change was scary with not seeing him every day or every other day. Well, when I was around 15 that changed. He had some issues with his car and such and couldn’t see me on my 16th birthday. This was when I believe this problem started. I burst into crying in a way that I don’t remember ever having happened before. This caused me to have issues in school from missing class due to anxiety that I didn’t know I had.

Now…

I had dated someone  for 2.5 years that I’ve talked about quite a bit on this blog, but it ended due to my own errors and an incompatibility that I didn’t realize was there. Many of these things, including being better at listening, I work on every day and am constantly making sure to be better at to avoid this happening to my current relationship.

The problem? I don’t know how to work on separation anxiety. I don’t know the best way to deal with this so that we can have our own lives outside of each other so that my partner can get what they need to get done and make their own friends too. I feel terrible, but they make me feel it isn’t going to destroy us. I’m terrified of it tearing us apart.

My question…

My symptoms:

  1. Can’t sleep anywhere near as well and have to take melatonin or something to work through it now.
  2. Constantly having the fear that something terrible will happen to them.
  3. Having nightmares sometimes about things that could possibly happen even if they’re unrealistic

Do any of you have what I can consider severe separation anxiety that occurs after even a day? If you do, how do you deal with it?

Thank you for the ramble and I apologize for the lack of posting.I took summer courses and wasn’t able to post as much as I originally planned.

 

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