I used to struggle with life. I wanted to end it when things got hard.
I used to need help getting through each day. I needed comfort from those around me in order to cope with life.
Now, I’m scared of death. I don’t ever want it all to end or get harder.
I can’t see myself living without my partner and family. How do I cope without knowing what happens for us next?
I let myself go from the happiness I had some time ago.
At one time I was filled with joy, not unlike a newly young boy.
Lately I have let fear win instead of thinking of what I hold dear.
I just started getting help instead of letting myself just cry out and yelp.
My partner has seen me cry,
but doesn’t know what to do other than pry.
I need better methods to learn to cope to help give myself hope.
Sometimes hope feels far away and work just like a tightened rope.
How do I feel at ease, when sometimes all I want is to freeze?
I thought I knew
what it meant as I grew
each day I live
is one less to give
My place was there
in that house I care
I was to stay with them
to flow from the same stem
I had few friends who are here
that I hold quite this dear
I once held someone close
now they fill me with morose
They had felt normal for me
someone who was meant to be
I thought it was for life
even into the afterlife
Recently, this has ended
though my heart has mended
I found someone new
who has helped me through
He has given me hope
something to help me do more than cope
I feel at peace for once
even as such a dunce
We laid there
and he seems to care
I know he does now
though I’m not sure how
I love him for this
turning his fear into a kiss
I was like a stray cat searching for my home
though I was free to roam
having found my own home
Our meeting was one way
My life has been, what can I say?
They can make my day or life
or cut through it with a knife
When they’re happy, I am
When they’re not, neither am I
They’re new to me
but I can see
They haven’t told it all
but they’ve answered my call
I thought I was lost
but there is a cost
They know it all
everytime I fall
It’s hard to know me well
I’m sometimes hard to tell
I want this to work
bad enough that it hurts
each time we talk
they never want to walk
I’m a lot to handle
the fire of a candle
but I have a heart
stored away in the dark
They found the place
the path theirs to trace
It’s almost scary
such a rarity
They see themself as a pain
I see it as a gain
I know they’ve seen a lot
without it being caught
They said I deserve a better
No, I deserve a getter
Someone to be there
When no one else is there to care
I won’t lose them
not like a simple rim
They mean more
then my own core
I want to help
them be themself
I want them to get there
out of their own hair
I know I’m the same
playing that game
but they’re all I have
to be myself too
I’ve spent too much time
committing the same crime
I don’t know how to stop
to help me to the top
My confidence stays low
even as I start to glow
I’m not saying I don’t try,
but everyday I still cry
Each day is more of a chore
it hits me at my core
it doesn’t affect just me,
but everyone yet to be
It’s how I’ll be alone
even when I’m all grown
I can’t get over this
not with just one kiss
I still am like a kid
regretting everything I did
from the simple things
to complex rings
I love where I am
even through this dam
Everything feels great
Why do I put myself in this crate
I scare everyone away
if anything goes array
This can scare even me
to thinking it’s not to be
I was up late last night
thinking about this fright
I’ve felt this before
it almost destroyed my core
I love this man
no matter if i always can
I won’t just give this up
like a useless cup
He means the world to me
why can’t he see
how special he is too
he’s very cruel
he gives me the hope I lack
down my previous lonesome track
It still hurts to this day
not being able to take this away
My confidence is low for me
but not for him you see
he has potential too
if only he saw through you
Laying on this bed
Thinking of why I fled
from the one I now love.
We fit almost too well;
It’s scary how hard I fell;
I fell fast.
We met not long ago;
Now I have this glow
everywhere I go.
For the first time,
I feel in my prime
like I can get through this.
This place felt new before,
almost was like a bore,
I got through it though.
Don’t get me wrong.
I’ve loved it here for so long.
It just wasn’t home yet.
Now, leaving is hard,
like leaving my own yard,
That old house isn’t home.
College might be new,
Only one semester through,
but it feels right.
They make it better,
like an old love letter,
from the past years.
They’re always there for me,
as complicated as I can be,
when I need it the most.
I do what I can in return.
I’m starting to learn
how to be happy again.
I’m thankful for it all,
even the fall
even the heartache before it.
All of this led me here,
when I wanted to disappear.
I’m happy I couldn’t.
Life had other plans
as it does over all lifespans.
It gave me someone first.
I tested them,
until I finally felt numb.
Now I feel home in their arms.
I’ve never felt this way.
I had kept my feelings at bay
before to prevent heartache.
I know they feel the same
this isn’t some game
We’re both in love.
I know I shouldn’t;
I shouldn’t compare,
But It came to mind.
All the difference.
One was distant;
One is always close.
One was closed;
One is open.
One sped my heart;
One slows it to peace.
One focused on nothing;
One focuses on the important.
One pushed me away;
One holds me close.
And most importantly,
At the end of the day,
When I need it most,
One wasn’t there;
One is always there.
