Re: Daily Page (Part 2)

Prompt – Talk about love.  Where do you feel it most these days? 

For me, this question can be answered easily right now. This is seen most for me from all the friends I’ve made in marching band at college. Although I don’t know everyone in the group with me since there’s 250+ members, everyone I have talked to has been awesome to me and have become more of a family then I could ask for.

Even though it’s true from everyone in band, I’ve felt it the most from a close friend of mine that I just met about 2 months ago. We both are gaining feelings for each other, but have no idea what we’re going to do with that due to the circumstances.

Response

Starting college is scary.

Everything is different,

even when you know people

before, like I did.

 

I came here with goals:

My degree;

My partner;

and new people.

 

One isn’t working.

Well, not as planned.

The person I came here for,

we are no longer together.

 

That hurts, but

I’m going to be okay.

I know that now.

I’ve talked about it before.

 

New people? Many.

My new family;

My band family.

I never imagined it.

 

Although there are many,

they have been everything:

my best friends, my family, everything.

It would be impossible without them.

 

When I needed help

they were there for me.

Others tried, but

they have been the best.

 

As I say that..

I found something too.

It’s only been a couple months,

but I feel something for another.

 

Although that terrifies me,

my emotions don’t die.

I can’t ignore them;

I’ve tried before.

 

I hope I don’t get hurt

Or hurt someone else.

I’m just trying to survive.

 

Whatever happens,

it’s for a reason.

that much I know.

Discussion

  • Have you ever gotten out of a long relationship and gained feelings for another shortly after?
    • if so, how did it turn out?
      • did you take a lot of time before you gave them a chanced?
      • did you never give them a chance?
  • If you went to college, did any of you do marching band?
    • if you did, did you have that same sense of family?

Re: Daily Page (Part 1)

Prompt – What’s one thing you wish you could change about yourself?

The first prompt from The DailyPage is “What’s one thing you wish you could change about yourself?” For me, that’s an easy question to answer right now. I want to change my lack of communication abilities. I talk a lot now, but I screw up saying the most important details to those around me and I don’t know how to fix it. It’s cost me friends and family’s respect in the past

Response

I had an original plan

I was going to explain everything

why I made the mistakes I did

 

So I messaged them

they were willing to talk

then I started rambling

 

Why do I always start this

It would be easier if I was better

I lost it

 

I was stuttering

not making any sense

I wanted to make them understand

 

I’m frustrated with myself

making them impatient

making myself even worse

 

Every time we’re alone

I want them back

worse then anyone can understand

 

They think I’m not listening

I am..

I just can’t get a point across

 

Even more..

I’m losing someone else

due to the same problem

 

I said something wrong

I didn’t intend to

Why is it always me

 

I want to communicate

not make people feel worse

It makes sense in my head

why can’t I say it?

Poem Rant

image

I don’t understand
Its all confusing me
Not like I thought it’d be

One day I’m fine
The next its over
I want to take cover

I still am breaking
As I sit here thinking
About fixing or ending

I’m getting mixed signals
We say it’s over
But is that true

We just laid together
Admitted we both feel alone
Was afraid to ask more

Now I sit here wondering
Is it my place
Have I made another mistake

I don’t know whats right
Only how I feel
Its all I know is real.

Even when its ‘over’
He still is safe
And always there

I feel terrible
Telling him my problems
Or overstepping boundaries

I know its unhealthy
Letting him in the middle
But it all hurts

Without him
I feel alone
Have to distract myself

With him
I feel myself again
Even with the pain I feel

I don’t know what to do
What’s right
And what’s not

I only know how I feel
Each day its harder now
But I know its real

Be Myself

As I sit here on my own,

I hold back a quiet groan.

I feel like this most of the time:

like I’ve committed a sort of crime.

 

I was always quiet and sad:

something made me glad;

someone came into my life;

as if like a small pocket knife.

 

I never expected this:

this overwhelming kiss.

it’s a new feeling for me:

this feeling of being free.

 

he brought me from the bottom:

just like the leaves of autumn.

he built me back to myself:

like a book to the shelf.

 

I forgot what that felt like:

the confidence of a spike;

the sensitivity I left behind;

to avoid the daily grind.

 

It’s back now though

and I now know.

it’s something I can do

to be myself too.

 

I need him close to

help me face my foes,

inside and out,

it removes all doubt.

Right Now

It’s been a great year
It’s felt incredibly long
I’m now back in gear
I was very wrong

It’s almost the end
I am still excited
Those I’ll befriend
Laying here in bed.

I think of those around
The ones I’ll leave
I’m bound to see again
I choose to believe

It might be painful
But I choose this
Over the complainful
Analysis of years later

I prefer taking a chance
To pursue my goal
A time to advance
This gives me control

I think of those around
The ones I’ll leave
I’m bound to see again
I choose to believe

Doubt is worth it
Worth fighting through
It is hard to admit
To become anew

Doubt is needed
It gives you fear
To battle far ahead
Each and every year

I think of those around
The ones I’ll leave
I’m bound to see again
I choose to believe
Even if it’s naive

Falling Apart

Life isn’t easy
Sometimes it’s hard

One thing we know
It’s easy to fall apart
It’s hard to get up

Everyone telling you
It’ll be alright
Not always true

Sometimes it happens
You lose yourself
You break down

It’s alright though
You just need help
You have to get up

Get up first
Before this occurs

It’s not your fault
It never will be
But you choose it

You choose to recover
Before or after
You fall apart

Just remember this
It takes longer
It  takes more feeling
And more help

Not to fall apart
To pick back up
Those pieces hurt
You might get cut

The first step
Find someone
Anyone you trust
Let it happen

You can fall apart
Just promise me
Just promise yourself
To get back up
Everyone falls.