Prompt – If I died today, I’d regret having not….
Ever since me and my current partner started dating little over a month ago, I have felt something different then before. The connection is one that has been impossible to ignore since we met. I tried to ignore it and hadn’t let myself realize it at first, but it did eventually hit me like a train.
Both of us are very broken people who have only known each other since November. We didn’t talk a lot without mutual friends around until this person told me that they really like me. I was terrified when hearing this and didn’t know how to react because of my recent breakup at the end of September.
Although I thought that relationship ending had broken me, I was only partially right. I had so many friends that helped me through the process of getting over the past that it happened quicker then I thought it would. I expected it to take years. Then I found them.
After they admitted how they felt about me, I realized how I was feeling after awhile spending time with just them. Admitting my own feelings was terrifying for me due to my fear of something else going wrong. I am happy I got over that and have no regrets, but things aren’t perfect at all.
With both of us being broken, we have a lot to work through. Both of us are over attached for various reasons. They have never dated before and have felt alone all their lives and I didn’t have the most consistent family compared to most around me and the breakup before had made it worse.
Reading this prompt made me terrified of something this has caused for me. I am able to tell them everything and trust them with, something I refer to as the six layers I have, every part of myself. This includes the depressed, happy, sarcastic, sweet, and awkward sides that I have along with the anger they have yet to see. Even so, I am not able to put those feelings into the words I know they want to hear because they have told me them before many times: “I love you.”
The thought terrifies me about the fact that if something was to happen to me that I would want them to know what they mean to me. I show them every day, but it’s not the same as hearing it spoken out loud and hope I can get past this barrier soon enough.
The last month with them has been one of the best months I’ve had that I can remember and they’ve said things to me that I feel awkward about because of how deep their feelings are along with mine.
I’m looking forward to the continuation of this relationship and hope there’s nothing I have left to regret at the end.
I apologize for the rambling, but this was a stream of consciousness type of response for me this week.
- What do you feel you’d currently regret if you were to find out you were about to die soon?
- How do you feel about mine? I have more but this is the most recent one.