Before I start..

I’m now in a healthy and happy relationship of a year with a new person and have moved on entirely from what happened here.

This is mainly a reflection of where I don’t want to be at again due to another person’s misunderstanding caused by my own insecurities. If you deal with, at any point, what is talked about in this, get help.

The story

I had been in a relationship for 2.5 years with somebody who I thought was going to last forever. We had, very briefly, joked about the idea of getting engaged to each other in the last 6 months of the relationship. We believed it was going to last, but we changed.

In the last few months, I had become insecure due to moving to college with said partner. We didn’t live together, but spent a majority of our time with each other and it began to cause problems I hadn’t seen. I wasn’t good at taking criticism of the problems on my end and my partner wasn’t good at expressing those needs to me in a way that I could fix.

Near the end, it got to a breaking point where I asked if they wanted to end the relationship. It sounded like they wanted a break and that’s what I thought of it as. It was more than that, but I didn’t want to accept it.

(Trigger Warning)

After this relationship ended, I bothered my ex-partner with texts and a note at one point. I’m not proud of those moments and wish them the best at this point. I will never make that mistake with another person to get that low.

While in counseling, I began hurting myself again for the first time in a very long time. I was hurting myself with sharp keys I had because it was all that was available to me. I told my ex-partner and all they had to say was about the fact that if I went too deep near a certain area that it could kill me. They didn’t care that it was eating me apart and threatened to tell my family about the situation if I didn’t stop.

For me, this was a turning point, I brought myself together due to the fear of losing that secret to people I didn’t want hearing it. Counseling, along with the help of a friend who is now my partner, brought me closer to myself again.

Although I’m in a better place now, I do feel like that was one of my lowest points. It basically showed me that the person who I believed would take care of everything for me can’t and that I have to take care of myself. I made sure to be more careful when I wound up with someone again not too long after.

Questions

  1. Has anybody else ever been in a situation that changed their entire view of another person that they loved?
  2. Has anybody else found counseling one of the things that helped them in a stressful time?

 

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