When my best friend was planning her death a few months ago, which she is improving now, me and her sent letters to each other detailing how much we cared. I spent hours writing these letters and she did the same. I will never forget how I felt reading those and I refuse to take her for granted anymore; there’s something to be said for a friend that trusts you enough to have you there for her in that moment. She trusted me with that information because she knew I wouldn’t sit there and tell her it was a crazy idea to go through physician assisted death. That’s not helpful or useful for someone to hear; it doesn’t make it better.
I don’t regret what she now knows about how I’ve felt about her in the past, but I do wish I had used more discretion when we were talking in those months. She now doesn’t speak to me the same way, yet again, and I’m afraid that this time it’s for real. I don’t think she’ll ever speak deep with me again and that hurts.
I miss our conversations..and you know who you are. I’m sorry for ruining things again, but I’m still here. I’ve kept my promise..
