Freshman Year is over

Well…

Last week was finals week which means that my freshman year of college is over.

This means a lot of things for me:

  • I made it farther than anyone else in my family has when it comes to a Bachelor’s Degree in anything.
  • I proved to myself that even after a terrible first semester, I can still succeed, improve, and fix the issues that started those immediate problems.
  • I can get through anything if I take the time and energy properly needed to overcome emotional trauma.

It wasn’t the easiest start to my college career during the first semester, but the second semester showed me that it doesn’t always stay like that.

I even miss my new friends that have now moved back home or are visiting family in different cities since the university is only 20 minutes from me. I can go back and see other people nearby whenever, but many of them can’t since they live on campus.

What this means….

For me, this gives me more time for the next month. I start classes Sunday, June 12th for the summer semester to make up for my terrible fall semester. It is to fix the major required intro class that I failed with a D in (Principles of Biology I) and take Principles of Biology II in order to be right on track for next year.

For the blog

For the next few months until the fall semester starts, I’m going to work towards posting every Monday again. This will start this coming Monday if all goes well. It’s going to be a long summer and this will help me cope with life again.

 

Why I haven’t posted

It’s been awhile since I have posted and that was not intended since I was doing so well keeping the posts coming out at least once a week.

For me, since my classes are ending for the semester soon and I’ll have a month off before the summer ones start, expect posts to return to normal at that point.

I apologize for the disappearance and didn’t expect it either.

Happy Blogging everyone and I will return to normal schedule soon.

Re: Daily Page (Part 6)

Prompt – What’s the most important lesson you learned this year?

In my recent post about the new year, I talked about some of the lessons I’ve learned. The ones I listed aren’t anywhere near all of them. There are many more.

The most important lessons are always learned after something difficult occurs that makes you realize what you can take whether you want to or not.

This year, that lesson, is that the unexpected doesn’t always have to be bad. The best things that happen in your life are going to be the very things that scare you.

This is why there’s a magnet in my aunt’s house that says this: “Do one thing every day that scares you.” This can be anything from walking a different way home to asking someone to hang out that terrifies you. Don’t be afraid. You’ll be better for it.

The reason this lesson means more to me lately is with my situation. Earlier in the year, I talked about the person I had been with for about 2.5 years. We started dating in July before my junior year of high school. We broke up at the end of September.

After the breakup, we continued to do something I’m ashamed of, we started having “casual sex” once a week during October. I was lonely and he was the best connection I had, but in my brain I knew it wasn’t going to work. I was simply clinging to what I knew whether it was healthy or not.

When we finally got into a fight after that, I was fuming, we had lost the ability to communicate because I had been stupid and selfish. He felt like he couldn’t tell me anything and had been stringing me along on a thread. That made me shatter into pieces in front of one of our friends and such as soon as I got away from him.

Middle of December came around, and someone was acting strange around me. He had told me we shouldn’t talk anymore, I was confused and felt hurt like I had done something, and I spent the next 24 hours wondering what was going on. If he was hurt; I wasn’t going to do anything to make it worse.

Then he asked to talk to me the next night. He admitted to liking me a lot. After that, we talked through the entire night until he had to leave for class the next morning. We spent the next 2 weeks together before break began and throughout that time I admitted to liking him back.

When you spend that much time getting to know someone in whatever way, you get to know them and if they open up to you, a connection forms. I started falling and that was terrifying.

We have began dating even though I had planned on hiding away for a couple more months, but that’s how things are. Life threw everything at me and expected me to hold on for life. I made it to the end of the year.

Sometimes the unexpected happen and that’s alright. The people you thought would be there forever sometimes aren’t going to keep that promise, but you will find those who will be in time.

That’s the most important thing I learned this year.

Discussion

  1. What would your answer to this question be? If you have a good one, make a post about it and link me to it.
  2. Do you agree with what I’ve said here?

Goodbye 2015

Happy New Years

Well, 2015 has come to an end. Whether that is a sad fact or a happy one for you, it’s finally here. The ball has dropped, so to speak, in New York City and it’s now 2016.

I hope all of you have good memories from 2015 that will carry into the following years and that 2016 will bring you even more.

As always, I would like to spend some time reflecting on this last year. That includes this blog and my own real life. There have been many changes in both areas.

First, the blog

In 2014, I started this blog during a Writing 101 challenge because my old blog didn’t quite fit anymore and didn’t expect it to get anywhere.

This year, I have 76 followers and quite a few people that have communicated to me specifically. I have 2 awards I have been nominated for and many posts that I am proud of. This includes my posts called Blood and Lonely Nights. Both of which are deep posts that I re-read every now and then.

(Don’t worry, I will put my goals at the end of the post for who want to see those.)

Last year, I set the goal that I wanted to get to 100 followers. I didn’t reach that goal, but I did get to 76 and I made many posts that reached people and for me, that is what was important.

Good luck to everyone with their blog in the new year in whatever you choose.

Real life..

I wish I had the time to explain everything that has happened in my life this past year, but that would require a novel.

In January, I was in my last semester of high school dating the person I thought I was going to be with forever 1.5 years.

In May, I graduated from high school finally after those 13 long years in that same district.

I started college back in August and for anyone who has been to college, you know what that changes. It’s changed almost everything for me.

I have new friends that I never imagined having through my experiences with the band program that I’m a part of here. I lost love and found it again in someone I never expected to.

I learned many new things about life that I had heard, but never appreciated until now.

  • People who you think are going to be around forever aren’t always going to work out. Don’t take them for granted while they’re there.
  • Home isn’t where your parents live, it’s the people that make you feel like you finally belong somewhere.
  • Every relationship is different; stop trying to find a cookie cutter version of how it should work.

And most importantly…

  • Things are going to change. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Only through that change can you really find yourself and the people you’re supposed to be with.

2016 Goals

For the blog..

  • Reach 100 followers
  • Write a post at least once a week whenever possible
  • continue the dailypage posts the rest of the year
  • reach as many people as possible

In real life..

  • get a 3.5 GPA in the spring semester and a 3.0 in the fall semester
  • keep my relationship with my new partner as strong as i physically can
  • meet and make as many new friends as possible

Discussion

  1. what are your new years goals from last year? Did you accomplish them?
  2. what are your goals for next year? For the blog? For real life?

 

Daily Prompts

Starting next week (November 30th), I’m going to begin using the Daily Page in order to get prompts needed to help me start posting again.

Before I start, I wanted assistance starting something.

Discussion

  1. Do you think I should post once a day or once a week?
  2. If you’re going to read the posts, what time do you think is best to post them? (I’m in EST)
  3. What type of responses would you want me to post?
    1. poems?
    2. stories?
    3. first thought/ free association

I’m Terrified

I moved onto campus August 22nd to start camp that took place the 22nd-28th and the 30th.

I was beyond excited to begin this journey with the person I care about the most and start college for the thing that I’ve been wanting to do since I was a little kid barely old enough to speak. I expected to get here, move in, go to camp, and be able to have new experiences around me that I can spend all my time with.

Well… That is only partially true.

After my family left me alone in that room with all my stuff organized, I got nervous. I thought that was normal so I just went and got ready for camp and kept myself occupied expecting that feeling to go away. It still hasn’t.

Although I’m active in my classes and in band more than I ever have been, my anxiety is getting worse. I have terrifying thoughts about everything that can go wrong whenever I have free time. I’ve spent nights either thinking deeply or spending it with the one person who keeps that anxiety completely away.

Even though spending time with that person helps, I can’t constantly stay with them instead since they’re paying for that apartment and I have a dorm of my own. Beyond that, this person deserves to have their own time to themselves without me around constantly.

In order to make that possible without me having panic/anxiety attacks anymore, I started something last week that I’ve been against for a long time. I started counseling because my college offers free counseling for students that are taking a certain amount of credits.

The hope is for that counseling to help me find other ways to cope with the anxious thoughts instead of just ignoring them and even ways to get them to slowly disappear from my everyday thoughts.

Discussion

  1. Have you ever had counseling of any kind?
    1. If yes, how did it help you with the problem you were having that led you to receive counseling?
  2. Have you ever had someone close to you go through any type of counseling?

Thanks for reading

College Move-In! (Why I haven’t posted)

As I’m writing this, it’s august 16th and I have 6 days before I move into my first semester of college/university for those of you in other countries. This is an exciting and terrifying time that has taken most of my attention.

Between figuring out class schedules, financial aid problems, buying anything I need for the dorm, and trying to spend time with those around me now, it’s been pretty chaotic. That is the reason I haven’t been able to post the past few weeks and I hope to fix that at some point, but right now isn’t the time to make that promise.

I move in August 22nd which is this coming Saturday earlier than most because of being part of band. Although I won’t be far at all from home, It’s a transition. (hopefully I can use this transition to create the habit of writing more).

As I have in my profile, I’m going to be going for a Biology degree for Pre-Veterinary Medicine. While this has been my goal for a long time, I haven’t had much time before to really think about how close that is. I move in this Saturday and classes start August 31st.

As always, I will try and post every Monday when I have time and hope everyone understands that some of us get distracted easily by other issues surrounding us.

Thanks for reading and Happy Blogging.

Question/Discussion 

If you are in school/college or have gone, what are you looking forward to?

If you went to college, what stressed you out the most when you actually started classes? Was it finding friends or was it the coursework?

Feel free to put comments and I’ll respond as soon as I see them. Any feedback is appreciated for this blog since I still don’t know the exact main focus of it.