Goodbye 2015

Happy New Years

Well, 2015 has come to an end. Whether that is a sad fact or a happy one for you, it’s finally here. The ball has dropped, so to speak, in New York City and it’s now 2016.

I hope all of you have good memories from 2015 that will carry into the following years and that 2016 will bring you even more.

As always, I would like to spend some time reflecting on this last year. That includes this blog and my own real life. There have been many changes in both areas.

First, the blog

In 2014, I started this blog during a Writing 101 challenge because my old blog didn’t quite fit anymore and didn’t expect it to get anywhere.

This year, I have 76 followers and quite a few people that have communicated to me specifically. I have 2 awards I have been nominated for and many posts that I am proud of. This includes my posts called Blood and Lonely Nights. Both of which are deep posts that I re-read every now and then.

(Don’t worry, I will put my goals at the end of the post for who want to see those.)

Last year, I set the goal that I wanted to get to 100 followers. I didn’t reach that goal, but I did get to 76 and I made many posts that reached people and for me, that is what was important.

Good luck to everyone with their blog in the new year in whatever you choose.

Real life..

I wish I had the time to explain everything that has happened in my life this past year, but that would require a novel.

In January, I was in my last semester of high school dating the person I thought I was going to be with forever 1.5 years.

In May, I graduated from high school finally after those 13 long years in that same district.

I started college back in August and for anyone who has been to college, you know what that changes. It’s changed almost everything for me.

I have new friends that I never imagined having through my experiences with the band program that I’m a part of here. I lost love and found it again in someone I never expected to.

I learned many new things about life that I had heard, but never appreciated until now.

  • People who you think are going to be around forever aren’t always going to work out. Don’t take them for granted while they’re there.
  • Home isn’t where your parents live, it’s the people that make you feel like you finally belong somewhere.
  • Every relationship is different; stop trying to find a cookie cutter version of how it should work.

And most importantly…

  • Things are going to change. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Only through that change can you really find yourself and the people you’re supposed to be with.

2016 Goals

For the blog..

  • Reach 100 followers
  • Write a post at least once a week whenever possible
  • continue the dailypage posts the rest of the year
  • reach as many people as possible

In real life..

  • get a 3.5 GPA in the spring semester and a 3.0 in the fall semester
  • keep my relationship with my new partner as strong as i physically can
  • meet and make as many new friends as possible

Discussion

  1. what are your new years goals from last year? Did you accomplish them?
  2. what are your goals for next year? For the blog? For real life?

 

Daily Prompts

Starting next week (November 30th), I’m going to begin using the Daily Page in order to get prompts needed to help me start posting again.

Before I start, I wanted assistance starting something.

Discussion

  1. Do you think I should post once a day or once a week?
  2. If you’re going to read the posts, what time do you think is best to post them? (I’m in EST)
  3. What type of responses would you want me to post?
    1. poems?
    2. stories?
    3. first thought/ free association

I’m Terrified

I moved onto campus August 22nd to start camp that took place the 22nd-28th and the 30th.

I was beyond excited to begin this journey with the person I care about the most and start college for the thing that I’ve been wanting to do since I was a little kid barely old enough to speak. I expected to get here, move in, go to camp, and be able to have new experiences around me that I can spend all my time with.

Well… That is only partially true.

After my family left me alone in that room with all my stuff organized, I got nervous. I thought that was normal so I just went and got ready for camp and kept myself occupied expecting that feeling to go away. It still hasn’t.

Although I’m active in my classes and in band more than I ever have been, my anxiety is getting worse. I have terrifying thoughts about everything that can go wrong whenever I have free time. I’ve spent nights either thinking deeply or spending it with the one person who keeps that anxiety completely away.

Even though spending time with that person helps, I can’t constantly stay with them instead since they’re paying for that apartment and I have a dorm of my own. Beyond that, this person deserves to have their own time to themselves without me around constantly.

In order to make that possible without me having panic/anxiety attacks anymore, I started something last week that I’ve been against for a long time. I started counseling because my college offers free counseling for students that are taking a certain amount of credits.

The hope is for that counseling to help me find other ways to cope with the anxious thoughts instead of just ignoring them and even ways to get them to slowly disappear from my everyday thoughts.

Discussion

  1. Have you ever had counseling of any kind?
    1. If yes, how did it help you with the problem you were having that led you to receive counseling?
  2. Have you ever had someone close to you go through any type of counseling?

Thanks for reading

College Move-In! (Why I haven’t posted)

As I’m writing this, it’s august 16th and I have 6 days before I move into my first semester of college/university for those of you in other countries. This is an exciting and terrifying time that has taken most of my attention.

Between figuring out class schedules, financial aid problems, buying anything I need for the dorm, and trying to spend time with those around me now, it’s been pretty chaotic. That is the reason I haven’t been able to post the past few weeks and I hope to fix that at some point, but right now isn’t the time to make that promise.

I move in August 22nd which is this coming Saturday earlier than most because of being part of band. Although I won’t be far at all from home, It’s a transition. (hopefully I can use this transition to create the habit of writing more).

As I have in my profile, I’m going to be going for a Biology degree for Pre-Veterinary Medicine. While this has been my goal for a long time, I haven’t had much time before to really think about how close that is. I move in this Saturday and classes start August 31st.

As always, I will try and post every Monday when I have time and hope everyone understands that some of us get distracted easily by other issues surrounding us.

Thanks for reading and Happy Blogging.

Question/Discussion 

If you are in school/college or have gone, what are you looking forward to?

If you went to college, what stressed you out the most when you actually started classes? Was it finding friends or was it the coursework?

Feel free to put comments and I’ll respond as soon as I see them. Any feedback is appreciated for this blog since I still don’t know the exact main focus of it.

Vacation

I finally have the information exactly for when I will be gone from my home. This, unfortunately, means that I won’t be able to post on WordPress until I get home.

I leave on June 17th and won’t get home until July 8th unless something changes. That means after this, my next post will be going up on July 13th.

I will miss posting on here every week, but everyone needs a vacation. I look forward to coming home and keeping up these weekly posts once I return until classes begin again.

Happy Blogging everyone,

See you on social media when I have time.

Tribute : Patches

Patches, a couple months before she passed away.

When I was five years old, I spent most of my time at my grandparents or my father’s house. This was due to a lack of money at my mother’s house and her attention being on a current boyfriend at the time. This left me and my older sister feeling slightly lonely when we spent time there, but my mother wasn’t completely clueless about this fact. She knew she was working a lot and that she couldn’t afford to work less or it would affect us.

One weekend, when I was with my father, my mother and sister went to a nearby shelter and were looking at cats to bring home. They looked at many different cats and decided on a gray and white cat that attached herself right away to my sister.

When I got home from being with my father, my mother told me to look behind her. My only reaction was “Kitty!” I had always loved animals, including cats, and was happy to have one at my mother’s as I had two of them at my father’s house.

As time went on, I learned that although I liked this cat, she wasn’t that fond of me. She tolerated me and let me pet her because I was that young, but she was my mother and sister’s cat at heart. At that young of age, I didn’t really care and just wanted to play with her.

A few years later, my mother’s, at the time, current boyfriend found a 4 month old kitten on the side of a railroad track. The kitten jumped into his truck and he brought him to our house. That little kitten, even though my mom didn’t want to, would become our new cat.

Patches, now around 7 years old, blamed me for this cat being brought home and grew even more distant from me. This lent me to giving more attention to our new kitten, named Euro, that liked being held and given attention all the time. Patches, although nice to most people, didn’t like having another cat around and gave him trouble sometimes. We knew they would grow out of it over time and just learned to live with them occasionally fighting.

This was when her habits started to form. She would bite me if I tried to pick her up and she didn’t feel like it or even for no reason would bite my mother. We didn’t, and still don’t, understand why she did this, but some say it was a form of showing affection. For us, it just hurt for her to bite at our hands and things along those lines. She mainly reserved her biting habit for me because she didn’t like me as much as the others.

As other cats came into the house, she progressively liked me less. I suppose she blamed me for their entrance the same way she had with Euro. I usually would ignore it because it had became a habit for me and her to not always get along with each other.

Now, for the part none of us ever like to talk about. This is the timeline of the last times of her life. We never knew it was the ending of her life at the time, but she seemed to see it coming before us.

In the last year she was alive, she began to allow me to hold her. This wasn’t something she had ever let happen before without meowing loudly or biting me, but I assumed I was just getting older and so was she. I had no idea it was the sign of something worse than that because we had, and still have, a cat older than her.

On May 19th of this year, Patches was acting as normal as usual. That was, until she started being overly affectionate with my mother in the living room. She was purring, walking in circles, and rubbing on my mother. This was going to be in the last hour or two of her life. No one had any idea.

After this, my older cat, Marc had finished eating. As usual, if there’s food left over, we would give the food to Patches. This was because Marc required wet cat food due to a problem chewing with a few teeth missing and he still wouldn’t finish all of it sometimes. This was a normal occurrence.

Shortly after, Patches had been on the table and someone suddenly heard something fall. They assumed Patches had jumped off the table as normal, but she wasn’t moving. My step-father was the one who noticed this issue immediately. My father, right away, was trying to bring her back to life, but it didn’t work. She had suffered a heart attack and fell of the table. It was out of no where and a complete surprise.

My mom, crying, came in my room and told me not to come downstairs. I didn’t listen because she had obviously been crying and my cat was gone. I wanted to see her as well before she was buried. I went with them to the vet’s office.

The vet, since she was gone, couldn’t do anything for her, but we were seeing if she could be cremated like my old beagle had been. My mother didn’t have the card with her necessary to have that done. This caused us to have to bury her instead and we decided the best option was to bury her at my grandparent’s house. This is because we live in a townhouse where we can’t do anything to the ground around our home.

After saying a few last words, our cat was gone. She was 14 years old and had passed away out of no where. It was 4 days away from my high school graduation. We had always thought my oldest cat, Marc at 19 years old, would pass away first, but he hasn’t. He’s still sitting next to me as I write this. It’s crazy.

It reminds me that some animals are meant to go sooner. Some cats, like Patches, have the chance to pass away peacefully with no pain or warning. Although it was harder for us, I believe she was better off going the way she did. It reminds us that the hardest part of having any animal is knowing that, in most cases, unlike our own children, an animal is going to pass away before us.

Even though she didn’t use to like me, I miss that cat. It hasn’t felt quite right, even with 3 other cats and a dog, without her. There’s a gap where she used to lay every night and a hole where she used to be whenever my mother wasn’t home. It doesn’t seem right without her because of how sudden it was, but we’ll always remember that night.

It was only two weeks ago, but it feels like forever. Goodbye Patches, wherever you are now.

Finally

Thank you for reading through this post. You’re welcome to share your own stories of loss in the comment section on this post or on the Tweet on Twitter that is put at the time of this being published.

Happy Blogging.

Any Advice?

Hello viewers, I am looking to attempt to fix aspects of my blog that I have been looking at for awhile now. It is nice and simple currently, but it doesn’t serve every purpose I would like it to. To start off, I am looking for someone who wouldn’t mind creating a header for the blog, because visuals have never been my best area or creating a nice background for the theme I’m using.

In this process, any advice you can offer would be much appreciated. This could be anything from a new theme, preferably dark, suggestion or advice on the widgets to add could help.

If there are any new types of posts, or revival of old ones, you would like me to take a look at, I would be more than happy to consider it.

Anyways, please leave any suggestions in the comment section of this post or on my twitter, which is on the left sidebar. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy this new weekend.

Happy Blogging.

New Schedule – Starting Soon

First

My last day of high school was this past Thursday. This means summer is soon and graduation is even sooner for me. For better or worse, I’m about to have more free time for three months as a break.

Reasons

I haven’t been as good at uploading posts every week as I used to be. I apologize for this, but school and lack of motivation can sometimes impact a person’s ability to get things done. Thank you for the support and comments on my graduation post a couple of weeks ago.

I plan to fix this problem, lack of content, in the near future with a new possible schedule. I am going to hold myself to this over the summer and adapt it when college starts in the fall.

Vacation

This summer, being my last free one, is one I want to remember. That means a vacation, or two, to make it special. I will be gone for a weekend very soon, as well as, two weeks in June. That means for those times I will not be able to upload new posts and this schedule will go into affect after those vacations.

Schedule

The new schedule I mentioned is going to be a very simple one. I have began using a task manager, known as todoist, to remind me to complete each step of the process of writing out blog posts because I have never had a real way to manage it.

The new schedule will involve one required post a week, whether that be an update on a life situation through a journal, or a poem. These posts will be at 10am on Monday mornings (EST). If needed you can translate that into your own time zone.

Any extra posts will be posted on Fridays at 5pm (EST).

Finally

Thank you for understanding. This schedule will be put into effect around June 15th or 22nd. This depends on when exactly my vacation starts as the tickets have not been purchased yet by my family. Thank you for the support and I am looking forward to posting again.

Any requests of prompts or any knowledge of good sets of prompts would be appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Graduation

So, I graduate soon…

My last day of high school is May 14th. I graduate May 23rd from the high school I’ve been at for four long, sometimes painful, years.

This is exciting for me. It means I’ll have from the end of high school, and three months after it, to enjoy being able to choose what I want to do. This includes gaming with friends, writing, and preparing for college in the fall.

This is also scary. It means this August I move into a dorm with mainly people I don’t know away from my parents. I’ll start taking classes without the same supervision I’ve had all these years. Grades won’t come as easy to me as they have in high school and before that. I’ll have to get through certain things on my own because I won’t be right at home all the time.

Even though there are two sides to the ending of high school, it is happening. Everyone goes through the transition from the structure of high school to something after it. Whether that’s college, military, or straight into a job, it is a difficult transition. Most people, like me, are especially excited in the months leading up to the official change.

Although I have fears about this change, I’m prepared for this. I’ll be the first between my parents and siblings to go away to college. Even though it will only be 30 minutes away from my family’s home, it will be a big change. Change isn’t something I’m good at dealing with; I like structure, but life doesn’t always work that way, does it?

Another thing

Just to let you guys know, after high school is over, posts will resume every week/every other week. I’m not sure which of those it will be, but it depends on whether or not I get a job over the summer or volunteer for the shelter again.

I will put up a blog post, probably on the 24th, about my concrete plans. This gives me a couple weeks to think them through.

Thank you for reading this, and other posts, and I hope to see more followers and views throughout the year. Happy Blogging.

Final Question

To end this blog post, as well as, future ones, I’m going to leave with a question. When you graduated from high school, if you have, what did you feel like? Were you nervous, scared, excited or happy? Let me know.

Right Now

It’s been a great year
It’s felt incredibly long
I’m now back in gear
I was very wrong

It’s almost the end
I am still excited
Those I’ll befriend
Laying here in bed.

I think of those around
The ones I’ll leave
I’m bound to see again
I choose to believe

It might be painful
But I choose this
Over the complainful
Analysis of years later

I prefer taking a chance
To pursue my goal
A time to advance
This gives me control

I think of those around
The ones I’ll leave
I’m bound to see again
I choose to believe

Doubt is worth it
Worth fighting through
It is hard to admit
To become anew

Doubt is needed
It gives you fear
To battle far ahead
Each and every year

I think of those around
The ones I’ll leave
I’m bound to see again
I choose to believe
Even if it’s naive