8/18/2014 – Senior Year

Life’s showing me that I have a new struggle in front of me. I know life is hard, but It’s trying to test me more than I thought it would for awhile. My anxiety is going through the roof and I don’t know what to do about it. I just want it to stop. I feel like I can’t breathe sometimes.

I know that this isn’t a big deal to anyone looking from the outside, but it is to me. How do you explain something to a person when they’ve never dealt with it before. 

Anxiety isn’t always there because of a real reason. Sometimes it just appears out of the tiniest little things that happen in a person’s life. That’s what it’s doing to me. 

I start my senior year of high school tomorrow and for whatever reason, that scares me now. I was happy for it at first, but now I’m thinking about when that ends. I’m an independent person, but I’m not someone who likes to deal with any form of change. That’s what I’m scared of I suppose. I’m scared of the change that it will cause.

These are the things that scare me the most. I’m a senior in high school that really has no friends left that go to that school. My friends all graduated or aren’t friends with me anymore. I feel lonely in a place that I should be familiar with by now.

The person that I trust more than anyone else, I can’t see right now. That person is busy starting college and beginning the activities that will take up a lot of the time available. 

These things aren’t things I’m proud of, but I feel like they should be shared. Everyone has those moments in life when they break down. This is one of mine. Call it what you want. To me, it feels like an inner hell. 

I never claimed to have the hardest life, but I’m only 17 years old. Remember that in my posts. I try and do what I can to understand what’s going on, but it’s still new to me. I’m adjusting to a situation that I probably will never like, but I’m trying. At least, I can say that I’m not going to give up on it.

I have one person left that I care about and I don’t want to let that person slip away. Maybe it’s just me, but I take situations like this seriously. I want it to last with this person that I’m slowly trying to build something with. I’m an impatient person. I hope that doesn’t come to hurt me later in life.

Thanks for reading about my life. Check out my other favorite posts if you enjoy these types of posts or poetry.

 

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