This post is in response to a prompt written at https://weeklyprompts.com/2022/08/13/weekly-prompts-weekend-challenge-mirror/ where we’re supposed to talk about that whether through words, poetry or pictures. This is how I hope to revive this blog more since I’ve been struggling in my personal life which has effected my ability to write as often as I’ve wanted to.
While thinking about this post’s topic of mirror, I keep getting drawn back into discussing the things that have been going on in my life. I’ve been on a mission lately to rediscover myself and, as cliche as that sounds, I have realized that I lost the knowledge of who I was in the last year. This has been for several reasons, but mainly that I’ve let my identity be decided by the things I’m facing rather than by the person I am and the personality I have now. I’ve changed a lot through the life lessons I’ve learned the last year, but I’m still who I am after all.
There’s something to be said for learning life lessons along the way at every step. I’ve learned more than I can say due to the almost loss of my best friend in the last year. Even though we’re states apart, the thought of that loss woke up emotions I didn’t know I still had in me. It reminded me of the different things in my life that are making me want to try and improve again; i lost the ability to care for so long. To that friend, if you find this, you know who you are…It’s been a hell of a year, but thanks for being there for me too…especially when I didn’t deserve it.
I told you when you originally made your negative plans in that letter that I would do my best to do better for you as long as you promised to find your own peace. I want you to have that chance because you deserve it…maybe I need to remind myself that I haven’t done enough not to. It’s hard, but life is always going to be more difficult for me and I have accepted that. I just hope I can find that real drive again because it’s been so long since I’ve had it. You don’t know this, but it’s finally been a week since self-harming as of now; it’s hard to explain to most, but it’s been a long time since I could say that.
I’m here for anyone that needs a place to talk, but especially to that friend of so many years now.