Wolf

The wolf is my favorite animal and has been my entire life, but many think it’s just because I find it cool. I do, but there’s so much more to why I love the animal and how it winds up in all of my writings and now as I learn to draw it’s the start of those endeavours too.

I remember being made fun of by family as a kid because I always stared at the moon. I would howl at it, and even as an adult would in “jokes” with relationship partners, because I really thought wolves did it to communicate to the moon in a way. My reality was shattered when that reality was broken in 5th grade Science Class, but I still held onto my habit of howling at the moon. It was intense enough that during new moons and crescent moons I would get upset as a little kid because I thought a piece of the moon was gone or it was missing. That’s embarassing to admit, but there’s a reason for explaining it.

As a kid, I had a lot of time spent talking to myself about what was going on in my life. I felt like I had no one to talk to so I would, at my dad’s especially, sit on the back porch and talk to the moon. If I couldn’t sit outside when I was too young, I would look out the window and have those conversations. I felt like the wolves were something I could relate to since it sounded like they were in pain talking to the moon too. I spent so many hours telling the moon my secrets over the years.

I told the moon when my parents were fighting after the divorce once I got to an age that I could understand more. Every death I’ve experienced and that’s where I’ve looked to when I couldn’t talk to anyone else. Every relationship break-up or fight I’ve had over the years. Every friendship I had that I couldn’t figure out what to do. Every time I was bullied as a kid and wanted someone to cry to, but couldn’t tell my parents with the problems I knew they were both dealing with.

The full moon has always been something I treasure as a fresh start, even though it’s the most chaotic time for many spiritually. I’m always conflicted on the spiritual aspect, but I am starting to understand where it comes from. As I look back on it, maybe the moon was one thing I could see truth in and that was why I trusted telling it so much over the years..